| At last. Street cred is mine!!
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|Species||Appalachian Mud squid|
|Location||Dougal County, Georgia|
|age||in his 40's|
|hair color||Black (balding)|
|height||roughly the size of ball|
|first appearance||This Show is Called Squidbillies|
|Occupation||CEO Dan Halen sheet rock international|
|portrayed by||Unknown Hinson|
Early Cuyler is the central character of the show. He is the son or grandson of Granny and GaGa Cuyler the brother of Lil and Derwood and the father of Rusty. Early is a barely-literate, foul-mouthed, alcoholic, ex-convict. He's also quick to anger, and expresses it in violent ways via a shotgun or knives he carries on his person. Early was featured in a Normal textseason 1 episode as the CEO — and resident scapegoat — at Dan Halen Industries and also runs a number of illegal home operations, including whiskey bootlegging. He is most often seen with his 12 gauge shotgun.
Early has been seen throughout the series with many different trucker hats, usually a reference to or a showing of a real person, or something he would enjoy, sometimes offensive or rather obscene. Early drives a very large monster truck-boat-truck that is shown to have no brakes. Early enjoys drinking on the job, and robbing the local store.
Early once had a sexual encounter with Krystal, an obese white woman in town. However, in order to do so, she forces him to procure for her a walkman, which he does by robbing a liquor store. However, the second time he tries, the Sheriff just happens to be there and arrests him where he spends the next 15 years in prison. It turns out he had gotten Krystal pregnant with Rusty. Not wanting him, she leaves him by the doorway of Lil's house who raises him for the next 15 years until a meth lab is discovered in her home, making Rusty a ward of the state.
Rusty runs away and coincidentally finds his father in a chain gang. Feeling pity for the two, the sheriff releases him to raise his son. Early eventually finds employment as a scapegoat for the local evil corporation "Dan Halen sheet rock international" who just happen to be growing clones of the Sheriff in a local field. The cloned sheriff subplot serving as a way to switch voice actors for the part.
Early's trucker hats have always been a changing part of Squidbillies. He is always seen with a hat, usually representing what he feels.
Early Cuyler sayin'sEdit
"Get off my ass demon love, douse the pain!" *turns up a bottle of Jack Daniels*
"Santa Clause is dead!" *passes out* "See if that sum bitch'll fax now!" "We can take five if Y'all need to get busy."
"Aw granny, rape is illegal in these parts. Ask me how I know. Go on, ask me one time how I know... It's a long story, but a colorful one... how is it rape when they're dead? Talk about a victimless crime!"
"I knew it! You readin' son of a bitch!"
"Go on, Ding dong"
"Play that note again, the low pitchy one, you know the one!.....There you go, thats the one, that is pissing me off!" "Zoom Zoom"
"That's the closest damn thing to a birthday party you'll ever get"
"I care not to consort with the roboty race"
"I'm the best there ever was!"
"Alright, you corny, sum'bitch, the revolution starts right now!"
"Do not touch the trim!" "I'm gonna jimmy-jack them speakers!" "I'm as firm as red clay and as constant as...drinkin. I'm constantly drinking"
If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, den shoot that lying summa' bitchen goose and supa' down!
"Whoo! I win! I WIN! Whoo! Heall yeah!! That was a thinkin' man's victory there!"
"You know how much that coffin cost, woman? You goin' in the damn ground!"
"Allow me to explain the contamination process. Pine cones go in here, party liquors comes out here and proceed to here. [points to mouth] Fights begin, finger prints are took, days is lost, bail is made, court dates are ignored, cycle is repeated."
"Readin' don't never not done nothing for not nonebody. Never not no one, didn't about no reason not never. And by God they never not ain't gonna will!"
Hey there Hoss, What ya got there?