|Species||Extremely obsese human|
|height||Extremely large (mostly due to fat)|
|first appearance||This Show is Called Squidbillies|
|Role||Early's love interest, Rusty's mother and town whore|
|worth||Approximately 3 dollars|
|portrayed by||Mary Kraft|
Krystal is the town whore of Dugal County, Georgia with almost everyone in town having had at least one sexual experience with Krystal, including the series' main character Early Cuyler. This led to the birth of their illegitimate son Rusty Cuyler. She is often used as a target for Early's sexual assults, however they often result in little success. Despite the fact that Krystal is morbidly obese, she is very rarely seen eating, but always has her "Sip" cup with her. Her extraordinarily promiscuous lifestyle (including having sex with Charlie Sheen and all of the members of .38 Special) caused problems during her brief marriage to Early. She had a Siamese-twin (who had apparently become trapped in Krystal's fat folds) named Amber Jean (making her Rusty's aunt), but she had her removed (and possibly died as the doctor used a katana) in "Krystal, Light".