Rusty humping a creature in the woods
This Show is Called Squidbillies
Season: 1 Episode: 1
Overall episode number: 1
Production code: 101
First Aired: October 16, 2005
Writers: Matt Maiellaro, Dave Willis, Jim Fortier
Plot: Introduced at the beginning is the Sheriff, a practicing dancer who will die of emphysema in three years; Dan Halen, C.E.O. of Dan Halen Sheetrock, which specializes in "sheetrock, sheetrock mud, sheetrock screws, pharmaceuticals, petroleum, global mass media, third-world covert military operations," and tools of infanticide; Space Baby, Snake Man, and the football team's star, who has 2X4s for legs and branches for arms, and is hit by a semi.
The main story is that of Early Cuyler, a troublemaking squid. Fifteen years before, he was courting a fat woman named Krystal, who wanted a walkman before she'd let him touch her intimately. Resorting to armed robbery twice in the same visit, Early gets the walkman and comes home to propose, only to find Krystal with Snake Man--he joins in. Having forgotten the tapes, he goes back to rob the store again to get the tape--Bad Company's "10 from 6"--and is sentenced to fifteen years.
Unbeknownst to him, Krystal--waiting 12.14 seconds before getting married to Snake Man--is pregnant with his son Rusty, who is dropped off at the home of Early's sister Lil. She raises him for the next few years in her "beauty parlor/boiled peanut... ery" before he shampoos the Sheriff with $500,000 of crystal meth. The state placed him with his grandmother in a nursing home, but he escapes and is about to shoot himself when a wolf steps in and raises him for the next eleven years with her own... horribly--the wolves would occasionally chew his face. The last time this happened, Rusty, having filled himself with 300 lbs. of nitro-glycerin, blew up the wolves and the entire forest--this was just a dream, as was playing with Rush and talking about his dream with Lil. Humping something in the woods, however, actually happened.
Walking along a dirt path, Rusty comes across a chain gang and is reunited with who he thinks is his father, then sees Early and figures it out. A tearful Sheriff lets Early go to start a new life with his long-unknown son. At dinner at Lil's, Early gives some seemingly fatherly advice, but is about to beat him with a stick when Lil reminds him he not "inside" anymore--he has a family. RATED TV14